Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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