I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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