i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
