Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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