smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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