i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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