hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
