My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
