ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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