fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize