We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
