Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
