I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
