in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize