There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
