everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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