Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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