Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
