You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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