You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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