I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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