Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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