So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
