Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Panties = found
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
