I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
