She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
