im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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