Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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