were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
