Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
