Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
