if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
