I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
did i walk over a car last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
