I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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