I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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