if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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