Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
