Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
