i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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