I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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