HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize