She is in my trunk
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
