It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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