Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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