That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
