Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
