They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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