I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
