Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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