i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
