I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
