I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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