But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
