Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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