I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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