I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
