am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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