I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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