I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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