ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
