You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
