the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize