i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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