watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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