I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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