i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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