He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
