I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
