Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
His nipple licking is glorious
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