If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am naked and annoyed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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