so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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