I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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