so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
