Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
