I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
