I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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