Moan for me like Helen Keller
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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