well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
