Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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