I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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