Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
