I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
