I just made out with a guy for $7.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
