woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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