Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
