dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The adults are the big ones right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
