i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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