Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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