thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
