I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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