I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My life is pants optional.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize