i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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