how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
