just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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