Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
