ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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