your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
