Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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