im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
