i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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