at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
