You don't have asthma, your pregnant
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
foreskin is a definite game changer
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
