so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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