omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
