Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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