Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
