I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
