Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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