do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
