There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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