OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize