Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
