after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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